


Love that I give

by det395



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009 Era (Phandom), Blow Jobs, Longing, M/M, Semi-Public Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:15:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23323813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/det395/pseuds/det395
Summary: Proper goodbyes don't happen at the train station
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 18
Kudos: 82
Collections: phandomficfests: escape from reality





	Love that I give

**Author's Note:**

> I dedicate this fic to the song DHL by Frank Ocean because of the lyric "boy toy suck me like a hoover"

The ground is sticky here. Or maybe his shoe is sticky. Either way, he can’t stop walking in circles, listening to the sound as he peels off the floor.

Phil stares out at the train station, the business-people and oversized luggage and the slight smell of garbage. And right over there Dan is going to step onto a train and be taken far away. 

The first night is always the worst; the most number of days to wait for the next visit. 

Sure, Phil missed Dan after the first couple visits, craving a cuddle and those sparkling eyes in person. It’s different now, intense, reaching his bones like a physical ache. He has so much desire to be close to Dan. 

He probably annoyed Dan on the bus, but poking and nudging him was all Phil could do to satisfy this need.

He can’t even give Dan a proper goodbye here. Goodbyes happen in the bedroom. Goodbyes don’t happen in the middle of Piccadilly station. They know this without speaking it aloud.

They know that the visits with family need to be quiet, behind locked doors, after hours. They know that going out into town is risky, hand-holding not allowed. They know that it’s impossible to move in together anytime soon. They know their time together is scarce, spent disproportionately in longing than in passion. It doesn’t seem fair to feel the distance, physically and forced upon them elsewhere. 

The wall is cold against his back when he leans, where he shuffles closer to the side of the door. Dan is in a family washroom, one with a lock and an ‘occupied’ sign.

Phil’s eyes scan back and forth to people walking around with intent, staring at the signs, zoned out on the benches. He bounces on the ball of his feet.

His eyes stay on the people when the door clicks open, when he shoves sideways between the crack of the door and the wall, his shoulder pushing at Dan’s chest.

It’s rough enough that Dan yells and stumbles back. Phil pulls the door closed with a loud bang and breathes in and out heavily. He’s _almost_ positive no one was looking this way.

“What the fuck, Phil.”

Phil decides to ignore his fuzzy brain. He let’s go of the handle and finds Dan’s mouth, pushing him into the side wall. He sucks roughly on his lip and lets his weight fall forward. Dan makes a high pitched noise and Phil doesn’t know what it means. He clasps onto Dan’s wrists tightly, not doing anything, just relieving his desire to grab. He presses forward and slowly licks his tongue across Dan’s lower lip, feeling more and more determined with each passing moment.

Dan relaxes against him but then tenses up just as fast.

“Hnng. Phil!” Dan squirms out of his grasp and turns his head. 

Phil lets him, feeling his excitement wither away. 

“Dude.” Dan looks at him, and fixes his hair in the mirror.

“What?” 

“What do you mean _what_? I have a train to catch! I can’t be hard.”

Phil lets a small smirk show. “You’re fast,” he shoots back, tilting his head.

Dan’s mouth drops open. It reveals a satisfied turn of his lip that he gets when Phil challenges him back. His eyelids have already drooped in that look Phil sees at the back of his eyelids while he dreams. Dan quickly shakes the gaze but Phil can still see it in his eyes.

“You’re disgusting,” he says, emphasizing each syllable but smiling anyway. 

“I wasn’t going to make you go on your knees, so what are you complaining for?” Phil steps forward. He hates how uncertain his voice sounds but his confidence returns when Dan’s mouth drops open.

“What’s gotten into you?” Dan asks.

Phil’s smile slips. Dan reaches out and tugs at the side of Phil’s jacket. 

“I’m just going to miss you,” Phil hears himself say. 

Dan’s demeanour drops and he looks at Phil like _that_ again. Phil has trouble keeping eye contact when Dan looks at him like this. 

“We can just—” Phil starts, but his arm is yanked forward. Dan grabs his head and guides him forcefully into a kiss.

“Kiss me like that again, I liked it,” Dan says, so Phil does, being generous with his tongue. Dan lifts up his head and sighs out, opening up right in Phil’s hands.

Dan shoves his hand down Phil’s back pocket, which he’s been doing quite often while they just lay on the couch, but now Phil feels his phone slide out. 

“You _really_ want to hook up here?” Dan asks, turning his face by Phil’s ear.

“Yeah.”

“What, is this something you do all the time? Public washrooms your thing?” Dan asks. Phil can tell immediately that defensiveness glides over Dan and seeps into his shaky voice, so antithetical to the vulnerability that Phil picks up on.

So he says, “I’ve never.” 

Dan is on like a light switch. “We need to be _really_ fast.”

He shoves the phone back into Phil’s pocket. Phil finds his lips, sensing the urgency as Dan pulls him tight and smushes their faces together. He puts a hand up Dan’s shirt, feeling for his heartbeat, one of his new favourite things. A confirmation. He rubs over his nipple and feels him twitch.

Dan makes a noise then gets a hand on Phil’s shoulder, pushing him down.

“I believe I was promised—” Dan begins, and Phil drops down without a fight, grabbing at his belt with hands trembling from adrenaline. “Uh...”

Dan trails off completely and helps Phil shove down his jeans.

Phil lets Dan’s dick rest against his cheek for a moment. He doesn’t recall ever feeling so sexy with anyone before, but Dan gives him this attention always. He smiles, almost forgetting what he was going to say.

“Fast, yeah?”

“Uh-huh,” Dan says, tilting his head upwards as Phil puts him in his mouth.

Dan’s legs are so long and Phil’s knees are already hurting as he leans up.

“Phil,” Dan says.

“Mm?” Phil slides forward.

“I’m going to miss you, too.”

Phil smiles around him as best he can, then focuses on working up some saliva in his mouth. The time constraint hangs over his head and he doesn’t really trust Dan to be the responsible one, not now. He begins moving quickly, rhythmically, and Dan hardens more in his mouth. Dan bucks forward and he gags but quickly recovers. 

“Why are we in this nasty washroom?” Dan asks.

Phil chokes on his laughter.

“Stop being distracting,” he mumbles, his mouth half full.

“It’s a great experience, really.”

Phil makes an effort to sink down as far as he can and Dan responds well, his legs close in on Phil and a whine echoes around the room.

It takes all his effort to let Dan slide down to his throat, he gags and his eyes water with every inadvertent twitch, but he’s beginning to admit that he likes it. He works up a rhythm again and Dan shakes against him.

Dan’s hand feels amazing pulling at his scalp and there’s a Dan-smell filling up his nose that’s bringing other memories back. He remembers where they are, he feels the ache on his knees and lets himself smile and push forward more. Dan swears above him, his voice in a whisper like it always is in Phil's bedroom.

Phil pulls Dan’s hips forward and he moves in and out of Phil’s mouth, his legs beginning to shake. Phil pulls him harder and Dan moves harder.

Phil wonders what’s gotten into _himself_. Dan hits the back of his throat and Phil gags as he hears Dan say, “I’m coming.”

As proud as he is of his self-control so far, there’s really no way he’s swallowing right now. His mouth fills up and some of Dan’s come drips down his chin, not that Dan notices.

  
Dan slumps back and Phil stares up at him, waiting for Dan to notice. Dan zips up his pants and lets his eyes close for a moment.

Then Dan’s eyes blink back into focus and bulge out. 

“ _Phil_ ,” he says, almost accusingly. Phil makes himself swallow, squeezing his eyes shut. He laughs, the rush in his chest too good to care right now. He brings a hand up to wipe at his chin, but Dan begins yanking at rolls of toilet paper and bends down. 

He pauses with the clump of toilet paper just a few inches from Phil’s face. Phil smiles back at him and Dan closes his eyes, breathing in and out.

Then his eyes pop open again. “My train.”

“Shit. Go now,” Phil says, grabbing the toilet paper.

Dan rushes forward instead, kissing him hard, sucking at his lip so that Phil can only imagine how much Dan is tasting right now. He pulls back and his eyes are so big that Phil’s heart instantly hurts. Dan frowns, wiping his chin, then pounces up and runs out of the bathroom with his backpack flying behind him.

Phil checks the time. Dan will make it but Phil doesn’t see much chance for a better goodbye. 

He wipes at his chin, then the spots on his shirt, and tosses the paper in the garbage. He winces as he stands. The sound of him stumbling echoes through the quiet of the washroom.

Phil arrives home and takes a picture of his reddened knees to text Dan. He makes it a joke, a flirt, and he crawls in bed to wait for Dan to turn up on Skype.

**Author's Note:**

> [Tumblr link](https://det395.tumblr.com/post/613626401033224192/love-that-i-give)


End file.
